Philosophical Ponderings [For ofthecubs]

[faithfulclublet]

It's midday, but Andrew is curled up in the corner of his couch with the lights in his room all off, hands pressed unconsciously against the sides of his head as though he's trying to squeeze the thoughts currently sending him into this moment of too-intense contemplation out of his brain.

Really, his mind is always running in a way that leads him to this sort of tailspin, but usually he's able to keep it at bay through work or distracting himself by spending time with Argine or training with Edgar or talking poetry with his cousin. Sometimes, though, there are flare-ups, and nothing's really able to stop him from falling into the trap that is his own head.

There are, however, certain things-- or people-- that are able to pull him out again.

Comments

[ofthecubs]

Unmitigated victory. There's nothing better.

"Don't-- forget that, nn? You're always acting like you're forgetting that."

Or, rather, often getting lost in himself, where people who loved him couldn't follow. What good is that?

[faithfulclublet]

"I don't," he murmurs with a huff of a sigh and an even tighter snuggle, "Promise. 't just gets-- buried under everythin' else, sometimes."

[ofthecubs]

"I know, Drew." Which is why they need moments like this. Pirate stories. Moments flopped together on the couch.

Important.

[faithfulclublet]

Incredibly so. He doesn't question that, even when he gets to the point of questioning everything else.

If there's one certainty in his life, it's that this bond is important. That without the other young man beside him, he'd be rudderless. That this is something to cling to when everything else is drowning him because this is what's going to be able to bring him back up into the air again.

He doesn't forget that.

[ofthecubs]

They need each other. That's the beauty of it. That's what's so perfect about these sort of moments, even though they come on the end of confusion and pain.

"Breathing?"

[faithfulclublet]

"Yeah," comes the mumble, half-muffled against Edgar's shoulder, "'m breathing."

It's a good feeling.

[ofthecubs]

"There's my guy." Breathing is such a good thing. Breathing doesn't always come natural, and then it's even more important, really. "Think maybe outside soon, or we need t' stick here for a bit?"

[faithfulclublet]

"Just... just a minute, mm?"

He won't need much more than that to finally get himself entirely sorted, finally lift his head from where it's been buried.

And then he can start to be coerced to go outside and actually eat something.

[ofthecubs]

"Many minutes as you want. Always."

So long as the minutes could involve Edgar's forehead pressed to Andrew's shoulder. So long as they were breathing in time.

[faithfulclublet]

"You're the best, Ed."

And he will, after only a few more minutes, straighten a little more properly so he can bump noses with his best friend.

"S'let's go eat, mm?"

[ofthecubs]

"'f you want."

So long as they went together. So long as, at least for a while, Edgar was allowed to keep an arm slung just a little tight around Andrew's shoulder, to keep babbling about pirates.

So long as they got to keep breathing the same breath.

[faithfulclublet]

"Mmhm. Better'n you complaining later on, mm?"

Because of course they're going to go together. Of course they're allowed to keep clinging, keep talking about things that don't mean much in the grand scheme of things but are still absolutely enjoyable now.

Of course they're allowed to breathe in tandem, keep relying on each other the same way the always have and always will.